Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
