I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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