That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
