Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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