For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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