Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
