Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
