i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
