My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
