The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
