why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As shirtless as possible
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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