My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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