i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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