don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
