I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
