i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
