The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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