I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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