either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
