can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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