I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
