Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just high enough for therapy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
