We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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