Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
