clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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