this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
