So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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