You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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