Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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