You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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