Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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