she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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