Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
