we have officially lost it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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