oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
