i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
