we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
