I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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