Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Found the puke drawer
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
