Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
