if i can run in heels then i can drive
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
