I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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