So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
