So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
