They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
