we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
