He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
