yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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