when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
