They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
