Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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