That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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