Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
