He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
