If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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