"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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