i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
