Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
