If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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