Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
