It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize