So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
