My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
