i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
