I wanna passion pit in your ass
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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