i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
