They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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