shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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