How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
